


Foot Long

by crystallized-iron (Somiko_Raven)



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Based on a Tumblr Post, Because This is There, Ficlet, Foot Long Condoms, M/M, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Pre-Relationship, Steve is Distracted, Wish There Was a Rating Between Teen and Mature
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-22
Updated: 2018-08-22
Packaged: 2019-06-30 22:40:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15761190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Somiko_Raven/pseuds/crystallized-iron
Summary: Steve gets a little too curious about what's in Tony's pants when he discovers a box of condoms in the lab.





	Foot Long

**Author's Note:**

> Based on [this post](http://avengersasssemble.tumblr.com/post/176884949168/tony-buys-those-comically-large-condoms-to-keep-in) by [avengersasssemble](http://avengersasssemble.tumblr.com/) on tumblr!

It had been a quiet few weeks since the last time the Avengers had to prevent yet another alien invasion, and Tony could see how restless Steve was feeling so he invited him to the lab for a few hours. It was fine at first, Tony casually explaining what he was working on as Steve curiously watched, but when JARVIS alerted the genius to an incoming call from Pepper, Tony excused himself, trusting that Steve wouldn’t get into too much trouble alone in the lab.

For a few minutes, Steve patiently waited, but as time seemed to drag on, he decided to wander, looking around at things he never would have imagined seeing back in the forties. Everything was just so fascinating, his eyes eventually spotting a box on one of the workbenches, lid closed. Curiosity getting the better of him, Steve went to it, lifting the lid and finding something that immediately had his thoughts diving into the gutter, but then he decided to take one out, unroll it and…

So. Not only did Tony apparently take sexual partners to the lab but apparently his… - _cough_ \- package was… a foot long.

“No…” he murmured to himself while still staring at the condom in his hands. “No, that… no way.”

He jumped when he heard Tony returning, quickly hiding the condom under his shirt.

* * *

The next few days were filled with burning curiosity for Steve. First, it couldn’t possibly mean what he first thought, right? There had to be another reason for foot long condoms.

And yet…

He tried to sneakily steal a peek as Tony passed him in the hall, wondering how the hell Tony could even fit something so… _long_ in such _tight_ pants.

He had to quickly avert his eyes as Tony turned to talk to him.

* * *

“Cap, pay attention!” came Tony’s voice over the comms as he had to deflect an alien blast from blowing Steve to bits.

Steve swallowed, trying to will the thoughts away, but they kept creeping up. _How does it even fit in the armor?_

“Would you stop staring at his crotch and help fight already?” Natasha hissed at him as the suit flew off to help Hulk.

Steve really hoped his blush couldn’t be seen under the helmet. “I’m not staring…!”

“Sure looks like you are.”

* * *

_Does he have special underwear that just… hides it?_ Steve found himself wondering one afternoon, trying not to stare but still was staring while Tony fiddled with his phone, lounging across one of the large sofas, Steve having a clear view. He forced himself to look away, taking his mug to his lips, but found his coffee had gone cold. How long was he staring at Tony this time?

_Oh my god, this has to stop…_

He got to his feet and left the room, not noticing that Tony had watched him leave.

* * *

Steve tried avoiding Tony at all costs since he apparently couldn’t stop himself from just staring any time they were near each other. It was a week of this before Tony finally caught him in the gym. “Hey, Stevie,” he called out to the other man as he walked up. “What’s up, huh?”

“Uh… hey,” Steve greeted back, nervously swallowing. He grabbed his towel and was about to leave when Tony just reached out and grabbed him. “Tony, I gotta go.”

“No you don’t, Capsicle, we both know you’re avoiding me because of the condoms.”

Steve froze, eventually meeting Tony’s eyes.

“Look, JARVIS already told me awhile ago,” Tony told him. “So I was having a little fun with you. During a mission though, like last week? Bad move, buddy. But to hopefully calm you down, no.”

“No…?”

“No, my dick is _not_ twelve inches long.”

“O-oh… Then why…”

“I put them on my shoes,” Tony explained. “Keeps them dry.”

“Oh,” Steve said again. _That… kind of makes sense._

“Yeah, I’m just a little above average.”

Steve felt himself blushing again, and the grin that Tony was wearing didn’t help.

“Do you want to test it out, Steve?”

Steve could only respond in a squeak.


End file.
